with you | one

Do you remember how we first met? It was a slightly chilly and drizzly summer evening at the end of July 2016. 

My brother's 29th birthday. I don't remember ever being invited to one of his birthday parties before but for some strange reason - I still believe it was just out of pity for me - he had asked me to come. Our stepcousin and I were there early, to help my brother with the preparations. We bought tons of meat for the barbecue, made pasta salad and set everything up in the small meadow behind his apartment complex. You were one of the first guests to arrive. 

We didn't even really talk that night. A, because I'm just very awkward around new people and don't know how to make small talk and B, because ... there's no other reason, actually. I don't think you even really noticed me. I was just the little sister of your colleague, after all. For some reason though, you seemed like a nice guy to me. And days after the party, I caught myself thinking about getting in touch with you. It took me a few weeks before I built up my courage to ask for your number.

Mid-August I finally decided to text you. It was the night before your birthday, which I didn't know at the time, and you were having a party with friends. I was at a party that night, too, actually. That's why I texted you, I think. Because I'd had a couple of drinks and thought, sod it, I have nothing to lose, I'm just gonna tell you you seemed like a nice guy to me. And that's what I did. I didn't even text you because I desperately wanted you to be my boyfriend. I just thought it'd be nice to find a new friend. You lived 120 km from where I was living and I didn't think I was willing to be in a (not so) long distance relationship, anyway. 

Understandably, it took you a while to respond. But we soon after started writing back and forth and the more I got to know you, the more I realized how similar we actually are. Your messages were so kind and funny and at times I thought, this is too good to be true. You kept me awake long past my bed time and on my 24th birthday, you were the first person to congratulate me. At the beginning of September 2016, we decided to meet up. You came all the way to Leipzig so we could go kayaking together. It was a warm and sunny day and spending time with you felt like the most natural thing.

Ever since that day, you've been making my life so much more worth living. Before, I had forgotten how much I loved going out and taking pictures. But you opened my eyes for all those tiny details and perfect moments again. We started going on hikes and walks together and once more, you made me realize how beautiful this world is. Sometime in October or November last year, after spending weekend after weekend together, we decided we officially wanted to be together.

I don't exactly remember when that happened, or how. But I do know that this past year with you has been one of the best years of my life. And I know how strange that sounds, considering everything I am going through currently. And I hate that you have to go through all of this with me. But at the same time, I don't know how I would handle my depression and all of these highs and lows without you. You are the one who keeps me grounded, the one who constantly reminds me why I'm still alive. You offer me endless amounts of support and you make me laugh even when I'm sad. I love that we can go on adventures together, that you don't mind getting up at four in the morning to make the most of a long day driving along Iceland's south coast. But at the same time, we can spend hours on the sofa together, calmly reading our books. I didn't think I'd ever find someone like you. 

You, with your windswept hair and those glasses that make your eyes look so small. I love you.

(This last pictures is an outtake, by the way. But I think it's kinda funny.)

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3 comment/s:

  1. Das ist einer der schönsten, süßesten Texte bzw. Liebeserklärungen die ich je gelesen habe :') Es ist das Schönste, wenn man so jemanden an seiner Seite hat.

  2. This is a bittersweet post for all your male fans!

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