why I'm not a beauty blogger anymore

February 26, 2017

Most of you probably follow me for a while now and know that, before I even had this blog, I used to regularly make beauty videos on YouTube and I also posted a lot of makeup related stuff on Instagram. Well, I don't really ever do that anymore.

I didn't actually start wearing makeup regularly until I was about 18 or 19, and it must have been around that time when I found the beauty community online and started becoming more and more interested in products and tools and stuff. I remember that, when I moved out and started studying Architecture, I spent hours upon hours watching beauty hauls and makeup tutorials. While I was sitting at home, drawing floorplans and building models, I would have videos from all those famous beauty gurus playing in the background. It was slight fare. I didn't really have to think about it. I occasionally switched tabs, watched for a couple of minutes, then went back to working on my projects.

I learned about balms and pomades, about eyeshadows and lipsticks. I learned how you're supposed to draw on eyeliner and apply blush. I learned that everybody likes chiseled cheekbones and that eyebrows should always be on fleek. Even though it all sounds so easy, those things certainly need some practise, let me tell you that! But I liked practising and when I was putting on makeup, not only did it make me feel better (most of the time), it also was a creative outlet for me, on a totally different level than my projects for uni were.

One day I decided to start making those beauty videos myself. I sat down in front of my camera, all inexperienced and shy, and started rambling on about the stuff I'd bought at the local drugstore. For a long time, I didn't tell my family or my friends about my channel. And when they finally found out, I was incredibly embarrassed. I'd never been a girly girl before but suddenly I was the one who got all dolled up and put on too much makeup on one or two occasions.

The more videos I made, the more I got into beauty. The more I got into beauty, the more stuff I wanted to try. Researching, buying, trying and reviewing new products became my hobby. And one day, I got invited to my first event. Oh, I can't even tell you how excited I was! To be honest, I never really liked meeting new people before but going to these events really helped me with that. I met so many lovely girls with the same interest in beauty and makeup and some of them even became close friends. And then suddenly packages from brands were sent to me, and I hoarded so many products that my collection soon was bursting at the seams. I owned over 50 blushes, at least half of them were of the same peachy color, and in my head I could justify owning them all because one was slightly more orange and the other had more shimmer and so on and so forth.

But not only did I get into makeup while making these videos, I got into filming and editing, too. Photography had been a passion of mine for years but when I discovered videography, I rarely had time to take pictures anymore. I spent the little free time I had putting on makeup and producing new content. And I thouroughly enjoyed it for a year or two or however long my first YouTube channel lasted; I don't even remember, to be honest. But being the person that I am, after a while I was longing for change. And I decided it was time I started taking pictures again. And so this blog was born. At first, I did still continue writing reviews and talking about makeup but after a while I somehow slowly lost interest in blogging about beauty.

I realized that I no longer wanted to buy or own so many products. Hundreds of them had piled up over the years and decluttering my blushes and polishes and shadows seemed hard at first but turned out to be incredibly freeing. I had gotten so sucked into this cycle of constantly finding new things to try, whenever I heard of something being released, I wanted to see if it was any better than the stuff I already had. Any beauty addict can probably relate to that. Reflecting on it now, to most people I must have looked like a freak though.

My life changed completely when I moved to my own place nearly a year ago now. Priorities shifted and interests changed. As I've mentioned before, I finally understood that money can't buy happiness. No matter how many beautiful items I bought or had in my possession, none of them truly made me happy. So I started focusing on other things; things that seemed more important to me than makeup. And my collection has been growing smaller and smaller ever since.

Meeting Philipp and having a long distance relationship of sorts definitely also made me realize that there's more important things in life than concealer or mascara. Which doesn't mean I don't take care of myself anymore. (Because I do. More than I ever did before, actually.) I still like feeling comfortable in my own skin; I still like wearing said concealer or mascara. But on most days, I would much rather spend an hour hiking or swimming than applying eyeshadow and liner and lipstick. Putting on a full face of makeup just does not give me as much joy as it used to. I do occasionally take my time to do the whole shebang but I don't ever spend half my Saturday playing with products now, because ... ain't nobody got time for that! Or me at least. I don't have time for that anymore. Even my short daily makeup routine feels like a chore sometimes. But I must admit, on most days I need a bit of something on my under-eye bags and lashes to feel alive.

Even though I don't really care about products anymore, I do still read beauty blogs and watch makeup videos on YouTube. Because it is fun. It is slight fare and it keeps my mind off other things. Going to the drugstore and looking at new things and swatching and buying them doesn't sound fun to me anymore though. Nor does testing and reviewing and advertising them. You really need this, you have to try that! Buy this, buy that! Nope, you definitely don't need half of the stuff that's being shown in all those pretty Instagram pictures. You don't need them to feel beautiful or worthy. You don't need to buy them just to create a perfect flatlay that would go so good with your current feed. You don't need them. Not at all.

I'm not trying to tell you what to do, by the way. I'm not trying to make you feel bad if buying and using makeup is what you like to do. If you want to buy that new palette or another lipstick, then go ahead. If you want to splurge on something that you think will make you happy, then that's totally fine. Your life, your money, your choices. I've just decided that I rather spend my money on other things. Like bus tickets. A weekend trip to Prague. New camera gear. My Iceland road trip that's coming up in May/June. I want to spend my money on things that don't have an expiration date on them - well, expect for food, obviously. Although my vacation this year will cost me a small fortune, I know it's something I'll always remember. I've dreamt of visiting Iceland for years and the memories and pictures I'll take home will never go bad. That's what I want to spend my money and energy on: gathering experience, making memories. I want to focus on exploring and travelling and capturing moments. I want to share the beauty of life here, rather then beauty products.

There you go, now I've said it. And while we're on it, I might as well be completely honest and tell you: I never actually understood my underton, so to this day I don't know whether my skin is cool or warm or neutral. I don't even know whether the colors I wear suite me or not. I just simply wear whatever I feel like wearing. The woods don't care, anyway.

All pictures were taken and edited by Philipp Richter back in October 2016. If you want to see the pictures I took that day, click here.

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2 comment/s

  1. Ein wirklich toller Artikel. Seit ich auf Naturkosmetik bzw. cruelty free umgestiegen bin, versuche ich auch meine Kollektion viel kleiner zu halten und das tut echt gut. Wobei mich das neue Alverde-Sortiment echt hibbelig macht und ich dort wohl zuschlagen werde. Trotzdem versuche ich mehr und mehr meine Sachen zu benutzen, ab zu wechseln und Produkte leer zu machen. Sollte ich doch mal das Gefühl haben zu viel zu besitzen, kann ich damit meiner Schwester eine Freude machen.


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